But crikey I was down this morning when I got on the scales and they had showed I had PUT ON 4LBS in 2 weeks!! So seeking some solace I went back to polejunkies for some answers and apparently the rule of thumb is "do not weigh yourself" because Pole dancing puts on muscle!! Me, muslces? NEVER! So I decided to try on some old smaller sized clothes of mine....right at the back of my wardrobe I found an old pair of topshop jeans size 12..."Never" I thought as I proceeded to try them on, and got the shock of my life when they fitted!! Tight gaurenteed, but they fitted...so my mind began wondering to years past, and my "Looney bin" jeans, and I stated to root around for these special jeans that have not seen my arse in 5 years!....let me explain.
In 2003 I had a severe nervous breakdown which was so bad I had to be sectioned under the mental health act and had to be put into a secure mental health ward, T2 Sherdly unit at Whiston Hospital near St Helens. I was there for 2 weeks! Now foutunatly I dont remember much about the breakdown itself, and some of the drugs I was put on were really...errr...high! hehehehe...a little anecdote for you!...I was in the smoking room one morning after taking my meds (as they call them) and a ward nurse came up to me and asked if I wanted to join in the mornings excersise class....
"Are you joking?" I said "I am flying Concorde right now and loving it!"
Gradually the medication was reduced for which I was thankfull as I like to be incontrole of my faculties and I think by day 5 it was I was off the "section" and allowed to go out on my own...to be honest I have never felt better in years!! and took the bus to nearby Prescott did a little shopping and had lunch in a quaint coffee bar. While I was shopping I bought a red and white halter neck top in a size 14 which I thought would be too small for me but it was strechy, what I had not considered was how much weight I had lost during my breakdown, and when I got back to the ward later that afternoon I was surprized to find it fitted me perfectly...I made two lovely friends during my stay called Ruth and Wendy (Ruth was my age and had lost both her husband and her father in an accident and totally lost her mind, Wendy was 18 and had overdosed on Vodka and E tablets) Ruth had come into my room while I was wearing my new top and exclaimed "Thats gorgeous!! where did you get that from?" and we proceeded to have a girly conversation about clothes shopping...The following day, and with heaps of added confidence I went into St Helens and straight into TopShop and spotted these lovely jeans!! I remember thinking "em size 12?? should I??" Needless to say I bought them (I never try on in shops) and was absolutly delighted to find that, back at the hospital, they fitted me perfectly!!! Poor Wendy was upset!! "Wish I could get into a size 12" she had wailed...Now in fact Wendy was young pretty and certainly not fat, she just had very low self esteme. During my time there I kind of took Wendy under a motherly wing, but not becuase I felt sorry for her, it was because I could see so much of myself in her! Her story was a sad one. Her mother was a drug addict and kept throwing Wendy out of the house, so she started taking E herself (I dont know what it dose as I have never taken it) and she had tried to drink herslef to death! Poor Kid!! But we had many long chats in the garden of the ward, where we sunbathed talked and laughed! I hope like me she is better now and living her life to the full!...Ok back to these jeans...
Well as the years went on, so did the weight and these jeans ended up descarded because they dident fit anymore, and lay unwanted at the back of my wardrobe...Untill this morning, where I am now happy to say they are gracing my bottom once again! They realy are lovely jeans, with a faded, very 70's look to them although they are not flared, they are hipsters however, so I wear a belt with them so I don't show my bum if I bend down...as a rule I don't usually like hipsters (I can't seem to hold them up) but these jeans are special, very special as they were with me during the darkest part of my life...
Sadley mental heath still has a stigma attached to it, but I think that is just because of lack of understanding unless you have been there yourself. Absolutly ANYONE can suffer a nervous breakdown, regardless of age, sex, race, or creed! and it can be caused by a many number of things or a combination of lots of things, one of mine being witheld grief following the death of my Dad, and loosing my buisness...But just like any other illness it is treatable, and most people who suffer a nervous breakdown go on to lead normal lives again...Like everything (including my travelling) it was an "expierence", but I went to a dark, demonic place that I never want to see again...and my Loony Bin jeans came with me!